Who Holds Your Dreams?

Part 1 – Even Christians Miss it Sometimes

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD (Isaiah 55:8)

Over the past few weeks I’ve been mulling over that ever so difficult concept of giving my dreams completely over to God. This is nothing new for any follower of Christ, in my opinion it is the single most difficult challenge for a person of faith. Chances are you have discussed this with Bible study group or some close friends, and pastors often expound upon the true meaning of surrender. We sip on our lattes, exchange compassionate facial expressions over bites of pastry, and inevitably end these conversations with the trite and overused phrase “I’m really just, giving it over to God you know? I have no control over (Issue A) so all I can do is rely on Him.”

Those two sentences are complete and utter garbage, volatile and defeating to the Word of God.

The issue is not about a lack of control. If anything, we have far too much control over every single aspect of our lives. How many flavor, milk, and other options did you have for the espresso-based beverage you just consumed? For that matter, how many coffee shops did you have to choose from? Citizens of any Western civilization enjoy an unprecedented amount of control over every part of their lives, they are indoctrinated with the values of freedom and independence from an early age, and every commercial device is designed to free the consumer in one way or another. Freedom from wires, freedom from bad phone reception, freedom from chemicals in food. It’s all too much to take in and yet we cannot stop ourselves from chasing the next fad.

Interlude – He Threw a Chair at Me, I Couldn’t Love Him More

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

During my time at Kiddie Prep School I spent about three years working with one particular student, who I’ll refer to as Jeff. When Jeff started at KPS he was about 7 years old and by the time I left he was 9. Jeff came from a broken home, suffered emotional abuse, and was overweight; three major strikes against him in a middle-class, two-parent classroom full of little league stars. He had a difficult time adapting to his new environment and some of the mistakes he made early on followed him throughout his time there. Kids didn’t want to sit with Jeff on field trips or play with him in the classroom and this served to exacerbate the temper and fear he was already struggling with; and once Jeff got worked up it was impossible to calm him down until it occurred naturally. Every time a new year began my director would ask if I wanted a new classroom and every time I opted to stick with that kid.

On one particular occasion things escalated so quickly that when I got in between Jeff and another child he threw a chair at me. Needless to say, the poor kid ended up in the office with the KPS Director having a lengthy conversation. From my secondhand information I know that during the dialogue she asked Jeff what he would like to be when he grows up and Jeff told her that he wants to be a teacher. Her response was something to the effect of “what kind of teacher?” and he said “a teacher like Mr. Colin.” She then asked him, “what makes you think you’d like to do that, why do you want to do what Mr. Colin does?” Jeff looked her in the eyes and said “because I know that no matter how many times I make mistakes Mr. Colin doesn’t think I’m a bad kid and he will always love me.”

That is 100% of the reason why I want to teach. The fact that I managed to express God’s unconditional love to even one person makes me feel simultaneously incredible and unworthy.

Part 2 – The Crux of the Matter

But each person is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust (James 1:14)

Let me tell you about one of my friends, I’ll call her Jennifer. Recently, Jennifer has been in an off-and-on dating relationship that is straining her faith. At one point in our most recent conversation she said this about the relationship dynamic: “I’m just so tired of being alone. I’ve done this for three years, he’s only done it for a little while, and he just doesn’t get how lonely that is.” Usually I’m a sympathetic, overly generous friend but in that moment God put a challenge in my mind and I asked her “what will you do if God never allows you to marry and have children because He has other dreams for you? When you strip away every desire in your heart and the only things left standing are you and God, what does your faith look like?” What I love about Jennifer is that honesty flows from her lips with every phrase. Her response was simply “I don’t know, Colin. I would be really, really angry with Him and I just don’t know if I could recover from that.”

How many of us can give a different answer to that question, and why is it so hard to blindly trust in the dreams God has for us? I feel it’s because we have too much control over our lives. Want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Get on a dating website or download an app for a quick and easy experience (intentional innuendo). Dissatisfied with your job? Update that LinkedIn profile and employers will be nibbling in no time. 9 o’clock too early to get up for church? 10:45? Noon? No problem, you don’t even need to leave the house just listen online when you can! “The iGod 6, now on YOUR time!” The problem is that we have so much control over the things we don’t even need to think about—such as food, coffee, and clothing—that we cannot give up control over the important things.

This sets us up to fail at trusting God because the moment we decide that we’ve been waiting too long for a dream we can go and pursue it. After putting in a job application or sending the first message to a prospective date it’s easy to say “well I just have to give this over to God now, there’s nothing I can do about it.” Well you know what you already did about it? You spent hours obsessing over every detail of your profile to make sure it was perfect, you had your best friend read over the application, and you asked your Dad how long you should wait before messaging that OkCupid guy a second time. 90% of the work is done and now you want to “give it over to God” for the other 10.

If James defines temptation as being carried away by our lustful desires, and sin results from giving into temptation, then the logical conclusion is that we sin when we take even a fraction of the control away from God. What does this look like in real life? Allow me to give you an example from my own life. I have wanted to be a father ever since I learned what a father is, it is the single most overwhelming desire in my heart. My brother even jokes that he has an easier time picturing me with my kids than picturing me married. The former desire outweighs the latter but I don’t feel that a single-parent home is best for my kids, and finding one person to share that family and spiritual journey with is a close runner-up. I trust in God’s plan but I’m 29 and these dreams haven’t come any closer to fruition. The desire to at least have a dating relationship is so overwhelming that it can carry me away from God’s control and onto dating websites, apps, or even into bars. How is that not a sin? Am I sleeping around? No. Am I going on a lot of dates? Hardly. But seeking out those desires is placing trust in my own control and not God’s, a terrible betrayal. Much like Jennifer, I think of not having the dreams I want and the sorrow seems unbearable.

Interlude – I’m Late, You Want to Promote Me?

Reproach has broken my heart and I am so sick; And I looked for sympathy, but there was none, And for comforters, but I found none (Psalms 69:20)

This past December I overslept one fateful Friday and was 30 minutes late to a company meeting for Longe, the optical group I worked for. It was not the first time this had occurred and I wasn’t surprised when our Director of Human Resources called me later that afternoon. Her usually chipper demeanor had been replaced by cold disappointment that I could feel through the receiver. Rather than lecturing me she simply said “we really need you to step it up because you’re going to be one of our district managers someday.” This should have come across as a stern declaration of faith in my abilities but the person who immediately came to mind was Jeff and I thought “oh my God, I’m never going to see my kids again. I’ll never enter a classroom again because I’ll be working here.” I started bawling into the phone, which the Director took as shame over having failed the company. I never told her it was brokenness over seeing a dream die right in front of me.

Part 3 – You Can’t Tell Me What to Do

For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, He has rejected you as king (1 Samuel 15:23)

After my epiphany on the phone my first instinct was to start grad school right away, find a new job, and remove myself from the environment I was in. The only problem was that I didn’t feel God directing me on any particular path. In fact, I distinctly heard Him telling me to stay at Longe and challenging me to create blessings within that situation. So being the faithful person I am, I took Him at His word and diligently applied myself to the situation at hand, learning so much about myself and His plan. Scratch that, I was pissed off and I ignored what God was telling me because it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I applied to three grad programs within two weeks and sent my resume to prospective employers. I went to New Orleans on a vacation and got drunk for the first time in years, then did it again the next day, and then a third. The final night was the worst and I woke up the following morning with nothing but an overwhelming shame in my soul. Much like a toddler I had thrown a fit, kicking and screaming over what I wanted, and carried out that tantrum until I ran out of energy and was finally ready to listen.

Returning from that vacation I resolved to spend time with God every day before work and again on my lunch. The hope was that if I couldn’t leave my situation I would at least gain some reprieve during moments with my Creator. My heart began to feel lighter but I was still struggling to create blessings in the workplace. Then one day I was perusing my bookshelf and came across a book I haven’t read in a long time, Brother Lawrence’s fantastic epistle The Practice of the Presence of God. The purpose of his letters was to encourage their recipients not to worry about the work they did but to work in everything for God. Little by little things became a bit easier for me. I would stop at the doorframe and ask God to bless my intentions before entering, I placed sticky notes at co-workers desks encouraging and uplifting them, I took a greater interest in serving patients who couldn’t afford to spend as much money. The job itself wasn’t becoming enjoyable but my heart was rising above the work to find serenity in God.

During one Sunday School class I mentioned my dislike of the job to a friend and commented that I’d rather be working with children because that’s what I love to do. Her response to me was “if it’s what you love to do then why do you need to get paid for it? Start volunteering.” The solution was simple but for some reason it had never crossed my mind, probably because I was still focused on the limits created by my job rather than the freedoms I enjoyed. The question I needed to ask God was not “when will I have these dreams fulfilled” but rather “what does being childless, single, and completely unattached to my job allow me to do for You? How do I use this immense freedom that I may never have again?” I took her advice and ran with it, walking into Cedarville Elementary School the next day to say “here I am, where do you need me?”

Part 4 – Dreams Restored

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The experience was life changing. I found myself working with a speech-language pathologist, helping her to create a more organized filing structure, assisting children with their speech development, and contributing to something greater than myself once more. I can’t say enough about the woman I worked with and how much life God spoke into me through her words. My Mondays at school became the highlight of my week and the fulfillment I found there enabled me to improve my performance at work, increasing my sales and passing my board examination with flying colors. I confessed to God that teaching was still my first passion and admitted that it would always have a place in my heart, and asked Him if it was okay to find graduate education that would allow me to work with Longe during classes.

He gave me the okay and it’s amazing how quickly things fell into place. I headed to Ball State one morning with the intention of applying but as I neared the exit for Upland, Indiana I felt God telling me to stop in at Taylor University. Thankfully I listened this time and within half an hour I was meeting with the director of their Transition to Teaching program and she told me that I could start within the week if I wanted to. No transcripts, no resume, sight unseen, but this woman felt God telling her to let me in. In the interest of ethics I will say that during the application process my qualifications were deemed to be more than satisfactory, but she knew God’s purpose before I even began.

Fast forward to this fall, and I have accepted a position with the same elementary school I volunteered at and am dropping my employment at Longe down to Saturdays only. The new job pretty much fell into my lap without me pursuing it and everything has worked to serve my development as an educator. Classroom observations will be readily available, my education will be funded to an extent, and I will be developing classroom skills every day. I wonder if this is how the nation of Israel felt as they rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem under God’s protection? Despite the restoration of a dream I still want to work with Longe at least once a week because I have come to love the dream He had for me there, the work of creating blessings for those around me. None of us deserve to have God prove that His dreams are best for us, we should simply accept them in blind faith, but I am grateful that I have this experience to reflect on when it comes to the bigger dreams in my heart. In HOPE I will rely on him more each day, giving Him the control even though I could have it for myself.

Reading:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/practice-of-the-presence-of-god-brother-lawrence/1100416915?ean=9780800785994

Soundtrack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPtIv2lnkTY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ylZio1uJRw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6smGew7dGto

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-w_Car6634

Why Do I Even Go To Church?

Lately my soul has been troubled when I'm at my local church, and it's been a struggle for me to decipher the murmurs and cries of my heart to find the root of the problem. I feel a bittersweet isolation from the congregation I'm in: far enough away that I can guard my heart from those who would harm it, but close enough that I catch a glimpse of the fulfilling relationships achieved through true participation, sometimes even brushing that line myself, which itself brings a different kind of pain. This past Sunday I felt so uncomfortable that I had to leave before the service began, and I started to wonder why I bother going in the first place. I was at a loss to explain why the sadness in my soul felt so overwhelming.

Tonight I started reading Andrew Marin's excellent book Love Is An Orientation and as I read the first chapter the words began to shed light on what I'm feeling. According to Marin, there are nine fears about conservative Evangelical Christians which cause a disconnect between LGBTQ communities and the church:

1) how can I possibly relate to Christians in a church setting?

2) will Christians always look at me as just gay?

3) will I be able to be like everyone else in church activities and groups?

4) do they think that homosexuality is a special sin?

5) do they believe that I chose to be like this?

6) do they think that I'm going to hit on them?

7) do they think that I'm going to abuse their children?

8) are they scared that I'm going to infect them with an STD or HIV/AIDS?

9) when will I be rejected and kicked out?

A few of these struck the right chord across the strings of my heart and the resulting resonance allowed me to hear my thoughts more clearly than I have in the past few weeks. The second fear pervades my interactions with those around me. My initial departure from the church I have spent my entire life at was both sudden and surprising, and the details were hardly a secret to anyone in the congregation. Now that I have returned, much like the prodigal son of Christ's parable, my stomach turns with every single hello. The voice in my head (quite likely the Enemy) asks "are they greeting the Colin they've always known or some homosexual pariah with no personality?" I give a shaky smile to those around me, and in the off chance that someone engages me in a conversation longer than a couple of sentences I spend the entire time trying to understand what they're saying over the blood pulsing in my ears. The faster these encounters end, the better.

The sixth and seventh are the reason I try to avoid all interaction with former students of mine, whether I taught them at daycare or in Sunday School. I think "well they must have fired me for some reason, probably because they think that gay people can't be trusted around the youth," and parents have to force me to acknowledge their child even though he or she is most likely a teen or college student by now. Don't get me wrong, I desperately want to see how they've grown both physically and spiritually so I can give praise to God for guarding them all these years, but the ninth fear is what gives power to the previous two. I'm worried that if someone believes six and seven, and if I'm seen interacting with any of the students whom I cared for like my own children, I'll end up being asked to leave and face yet another rejection. My heart feels to frail to handle another rejection like that, my faith not yet strong enough to recover from further harm.

At this point I'm going to step back to February when I was still working with Freedom Indiana in an effort to halt the bill known as HJR-3, a constitutional amendent that would have prohibited civil unions, commonlaw marriages, same-sex marriages, and anything that does not fall under the traditional definition of a Christian religious union between one man and one woman, or as we refer to it in the vernacular "marriage." I was a bit of an unexpected ally because although I opposed the bill as it pertains to government, I still maintained a fierce defense of the church's right to only perform those unions that its congregation feels are Godly. This opinion put me at odds with some of my fellow "activists," and at one point I received the following correspondence from a pen pal (does that term apply to Facebook???) in Belgium:

Dear Colin,

The reason why I contact you is because it's been almost 10 months I follow you on Facebook and I'm fascinated by your activism for our cause: equal rights! (I myself try to play a role, in the community as well as in public opinion and politics on a regional (for U.S., small scale) proportion). :-)) I have a personal question for you ( it's without judgement and is certainly not meant to offend you!! You're a great person in my opinion!!): how can you believe in God when you now what happened and still happens to all of our brothers and sister around the world? How can you still have faith? Take care :)) Tim.

(Sorry, last "now" =know)

To which I replied:

Tim,

Thanks for the encouragement, I can't believe you noticed what I do! To answer your question, it is very hard for me to see what happens to people around the world for something they can't change or choose :/ It hurts me to watch brothers and sisters in the church as they harm others, and I always stand up against it in my local church. I didn't go to church for years and I didn't pray either but I wasn't able to stop believing, I don't know how to do that. Something in my stomach tells me that God doesn't want this even though he allows people to do awful things and make bad choices. So I go to my church and try to have the same privileges in church as everyone else, and to make things better for other people like me. I don't know if that's a good answer or not, I'm sorry! Colin.

Jump forward to where we are today, as I was in the midst of puzzling over Marn's words and realizing how they had given substance to the voiceless thoughts in my heart. Feeling troubled and on the verge of tears I did what any other twentysomething does when they want to avoid feelings which might never be resolved: I logged in to Facebook and started scrolling through my feed to live vicariously through the (hopefully better) lives of my "friends." In less than a minute I came across numerous condolences that mention Tim; he committed suicide a few days ago.

Now, I'm not going to twist this into anything that isn't expressly communicated in the message Tim sent to me. I can't say it was a cry for help, or a desperate attempt to catch the God who was slipping from his grasp; by all appearances this was a question posed without any ulterior motives, and one that many LGBTQ people have. Still, my thoughts went back to it the moment I read of his death. What I realized tonight is that two answers to my biggest question (which happens to be the title of this note, for those of you lost after my ramblings) are in my response to Tim. The first and most basic answer is simply that even without God, I don't truly know how to "be" without God. Something never felt right, a part of me was never whole as it had been in the past. The second answer came from reading those messages tonight, and realizing that "I don't know if that's a good answer or not, I'm sorry" isn't sufficient. I need the interactions and knowledge I gain from going to church so that the next time someone asks me that question I can respond with "let me tell you how all these experiences have shown God's hand at work in our lives and proven to me that I have no true life without Him in it."

The Parable of the Good Homosexual

While visiting with my brother (a professed atheist) this weekend he raised a very good point about the Parable of the Good Samaritan. We always enjoy healthy debate, and he never pokes to antagonize me but to encourage critical thinking. His question was "who is the Samaritan in your life?" For those people unfamiliar with this parable, I have included it at the end of this note. Most believers assume this parable is simply about helping others, and that is certainly a part of it, but the meaning goes deeper than that. At the time, the Jewish people (particularly Pharisees) held themselves up as God's only chosen people and despised many other groups, especially the Samaritans. You would never have seen a Samaritan and a Pharisee breaking bread together or even speaking to one another unless it was absolutely necessary. Yet this Samaritan was willing to help someone poor and down trod when those in "God's favor" would not, and performed an action far more holy than pious starvation or public moans of suffering. A priest and a Levite, both "good guys," had the opportunity to do something and chose to continue on their way. Only the Samaritan--the social pariah, the one at whom others would shake the dust from their feet--was willing to help. He saw a need and fulfilled it. So who is the Samaritan in my life, or in the eyes of the church?

If Jesus was speaking with today's believers, this story might be called the Parable of the Good Homosexual, or the Good Woman Who Had an Abortion, or the Good Muslim. All of them groups despised by many churchgoers, all of them looked down on simply for their existence, all of them people who would receive "that look" if they walked into a church. Who would be the person lying on the road, beaten by life's robbers and left to die? Perhaps it would be the pregnant teenager, the person forced to use Medicaid, the recovering addict, or the gay teen kicked out of his or her house. All of them people with a need that we fail to see, or who we decide to step away from rather than risking a challenge to our perfectly polished faith. Many of these modern-day Samaritans are the proponents of policies such as expanding Medicaid, raising taxes to fund halfway houses, and creating an open marketplace so that citizens across the nation can have healthcare; policies that conservative Christianity is known for opposing.

I'm not here to claim that the church should jump on the bandwagon, abandon our morality to changing times, and "wake up to smell the coffee," but why are we wasting time fighting these people who are simply doing the work that we are called to? In 2008, 73% of the United States identified their household as Christian. Out of an estimated total population of 303,824,640, that's 221,791,987 people. Now, 27.3% of those were under the age of 20 so let's throw them out of the mix. The highest unemployment rate in 2008 was 7.3--I'll be generous and round that up to 10% in order to account for errors in reporting--and we'll excuse them because of their financial need. But what about those with who are living below the poverty line? That's another 13.2% and we'll exclude the full amount even though some of that population also falls under the unemployment percentage. If my math is correct that still leaves about 125,817,737 stable, employed believers in our country. Imagine if every one of them chose to pay for someone's health exam, counseling sessions, groceries, etc. once a month or even once a year. That could have a huge impact in lessening our reliance on government aid, and would be a better use of funds than the billions spent to ensure that someone has miles of red tape to dig through before he or she can use unemployment benefits.

To take things one step further, once we've done our part to help the needy why not invite those victims and loathed groups alike into our fellowship? When we read about Peter's animal-filled vision in Acts 10, most of us have no trouble understanding that God gave us the thumbs up to eat shellfish (I’m literally sitting here stuffing shrimp linguine into my mouth), but that part about witnessing to the Gentiles (another undesirable group) seems to get lost in translation. Church is a time for me--and many others, I’m sure--to go and worship with people who think a lot like I do, look oddly similar to me (soooo many khaki pants), and are fairly pleasant to one another once they’ve had some coffee. We can’t reach the lost if they aren’t invited to the party. I honestly can't remember the last time I invited someone to fellowship and that's a shame. Oh wait, it was in November of last year, a whopping 6 months ago. That's pretty much the same thing as recognizing God on Christmas and Easter. So what will it take for God to wake us from our slumber and light the fire under our butts to get us out of the pew and onto the streets? I wish I had the answer, and I fear that whatever it is will require removing many of us from the equation completely. As for my modern Samaritan, I can't give an adequate response because I pre-judge far too many people. There isn't a single group I could isolate, instead I need to work on removing pride on a broad scale so that I stop placing myself in a position to make those judgments. As for the rest of you, how would you answer these questions? What are your thoughts on Samaritans and victims?

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

27 He answered, “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'" and, "'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live."

29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’"

36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

"Blessed", but Never "Better"

Lately I've found myself becoming disconnected with the "American" ideals of pride and "bettering oneself," feeling out of place among that ethic, and nothing inspires more passion in me than the treatment I see given to Medicaid patients. Just recently I was at a doctor's office waiting my turn and overheard someone saying "we shouldn't schedule any Medicaid during those times, we only want people who will bring us money." I also overheard some patients saying, "thank goodness we're not like them, it's disgusting that they can't even pay for their things." The part that I found truly disquieting was that I worship with some of these people, and I can't find a place in Scripture where this mindset is encouraged.

I'm blessed to work in an office where co-workers treat everyone equally, give them the same options and advice, and find equal joy in helping those who wish to spend $1000 and those who decide to use what the government will give them freely; however, this spirit isn't found very often. Viewing someone as less due to their circumstances is not parallel to how Christ lived His life. As Jesus wandered from town to town He depended on others for shelter and food, knowing that His calling did not allow Him time to toil in trade or surround Himself with wealth. After His ascension into heaven, Jesus' disciples continued to follow this path as they continued His ministry. Jesus took what was freely given, and our churches champion His humility even as we frown upon expanding government aid to those in need.

Another complaint I hear is that those on Medicaid don't work as hard as others, and would rather laze about at home than put in the hard work. Scripture puts this into perspective in Luke chapter 21 when Jesus visits with the sisters Mary and Martha. As Martha works around the home in an effort to give Jesus the best her home has to offer, Mary sits at His feet listening to His words in an effort to give Him the best her soul has to offer. When Martha questions Jesus about this He tells her that Mary has chosen best. This does not mean that work is meaningless, but the importance of work is in who we work for. I am driven to resume my schooling and work passionately at it not so that I can "better myself" but so that I may better serve the plans God has for me. Sure, you might work 60 hours a week and bring home a big salary but how do you serve the Lord while you work? What time does this leave for you to listen to His words? You have no idea of the work someone does, and only God can give value to it.

In Luke 21:1-4, the Bible puts wealth and giving into perspective when a poor widow puts her only coins into an offering for the Lord. Jesus blesses her actions because "she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on." You may be able to pay for your appointments upfront, or give thousands to charity out of your wealth, but how much more will the Father bless those who give what they lack? I worked with someone on Medicaid who told me how much it hurt her to see her neighbor without food to eat, and was planning to buy him groceries after she ordered her glasses. She told me it might be a bit before she could come to pick them up because after the groceries she wouldn't have any gas until her next disability check came in. I tell you the truth, I could buy food for someone I meet on the street but the generosity of that patient far outweighs mine.

Therefore, why should any one of us consider ourselves to be different than the least of these? We are not "better," we are simply "blessed." I am "blessed" that I paid for my groceries with a check, not "better" than the person behind me who used food stamps. I am "blessed" to have a car (even one without working heat or a/c), not "better" than those I see walking down the road to work or the store. Even as I type these words I am "blessed" that God has placed this passion and knowledge upon my heart, not "better" than the people I heard criticizing Medicaid patients. If anything, I need prayer and strength more than anyone else and should continue to humble myself lest I forget the words God has placed in my mind. Satan does not concern himself with those who walk in shadows, he must tear down those whom Christ is leading to the light. These words are not my own, but are the voice of Him who lives within me. Without Him I would live in ignorance and give in to the same negative thoughts. So I more than anyone must remember, I am "blessed" but never "better."

Foreign Policy and World History: Mean Girls Style

My friends and I were bored during the Vice Presidential Debate, and spent all of our time coming up with politically savvy Mean Girls quotes. I mean you're welcome.

Syria, you can't sit with us!!

Iran - you don't even go here!

Egypt bought guns and ousted their leadership, so Libya bought guns and ousted their leadership.

Israel - made out with a hotdog.

Thailand, step away from the underage girls...

Iraq is a grotsky little biotch.

Check out North Korea's warheads, they're hard as rocks!

Is Sweden's muffin buttered? Would Sweden like us to assign someone to butter its muffin?

South Africa, stop trying to make apartheid happen. It's *not* going to happen!

China, I'm sorry for calling you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.

Most people think Peru is lying about having trade sanctions because she has a lot of ports and dams but she can't help it if she has a heavy flow through the wide-set Amazon.

I hear Japan does car commercials. *IN* Japan.

That's why Brazil's rainforest is so big...*whispers* it's full of secrets.

South Africa, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at the World Peace Summit. *beat* And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. *beat* And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

Wow, France, you've truly outgayed yourself.

Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by Pakistan.

You know who's looking fine tonight? Canada.

Albania: Hungary, you've been acting really stuck-up ever since you switched to NATO and Yugoslavia agrees with me.

Yugoslavia: don't drag me into this, I'm ethnic cleansing tomorrow.

And on the third day, God created the United States of America, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.

Iran: If you're from the United States then why are you gay...

Pakistan: Oh my god Iran you can't just ask people why they're gay!

Russia: That one there, that's Poland. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Germany sat next to her in English last year.

Germany: She asked me how to spell "orange".

Did Colombia ever try to sell you marijuana or ecstasy tablets?

United States to Mexico: (oh no, hear it comes, word vomit) Guatemala's cheating on you with Colombia!!!

That little one? That's Kuwait. She's totally rich because her dad invented oil derricks.

France: I'm sorry that everyone's jealous of me, but I can't help it that I'm so popular.

Greece: why are you using austerity?

Italy: My economy is booming.

Greece: man, I hate that stuff. Spain makes us use it when we want to move up a credit class.

Italy: motherpffft AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Great Britain: America is gonna have a party and not invite me?? Who does she think she is?? I like invented her!!!

Oh, no, you can't like the Czech Republic! That's Slovakia's ex-boyfriend.

Netherlands: Just want you to know, if you need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are no rules in this house. I'm not like a regular country. I'm a cool country. Right, Belgium?

Belgium: Please stop talking.

If only you knew how mean Costa Rica really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to develop ecotourism, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me zip lines through the jungle were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to build them anymore. And then for Hannukah Great Britain and France got me this pair of really expensive white gold zip lines and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad. And you know she cheats onNicaragua? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Panama in the projection room above the auditorium! I never told anybody that because I am *such* a good friend!

Cuba to Dominican Republic: God! See, at least me and America know we're mean! You try to act so innocent like, "Oh, I use to live in Africa with all the little birdies, and the little monkeys!"

America: Huh, wow, thanks, um, well, half the people in this room are mad at me and the other half only like me because they think I killed Osama bin Laden, so that's not good. To all the countries whose feelings got hurt by the war in Afghanistan, I'm really sorry. You know I've never been to one of these things before and when I think about how many people wanted this, and how many people cried over it and stuff, I mean, I think everybody looks great tonight. Look at India, that Taj Mahal is amazing and France that Eiffel Tower must have taken hours and it looks really pretty.

Let me tell you something about Cuba. We were best friends in the 1800's. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in the mid-1900's, I started going out with my first boyfriend Joseph McCarthy, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Cuba was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow Cuba off to hang out with him, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-democracy Trade Council, I was like, "Cuba, I can't invite you, because I think you're a Communist." I mean I couldn't have a Communist at my party. There were gonna be Capitalists there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? Cuba was a COMMUNIST. So then Russia called Great Britain and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then Cuba dropped out of NATO because no one would talk to her, and when she came back in the fall for the UN, all of her trade was embargoed and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

And evil takes a human form in America. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.

Sorry, Somalia only carries sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Romania.

Switzerland to America: See? That's the thing with you plastics. You think everybody is in love with you when actually, everybody HATES you! Like, Ukraine, for example, he broke up with Russia and guess what? He still doesn't want you! So why are you still messing with Russia, America? I'll tell you why, because you are a mean girl! You're a bitch! Here. You can have this. It won a prize.

Why should America get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about America? Hm? Canada is just as cute as America. 'K, Canada is just as smart as America. People totally like Canada just as much as they like America. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what the United Nations is about. We should totally just stab America!

Romney, stop trying to make Russia happen. It's *not* going to happen!

About Italy: I have this theory, that if you cut off all her Alps she'd look like a boot kicking a soccer ball.

Great Britain: where's Cuba?

France: she's trading with America.

Great Britain: she's under an embargo.

France: are they not allowed to trade when they're under an embargo?

America: [after cutting out Japan] What's up?

Philippines: Can I help you?

America: You Chinese?

Philippines: Filipino.

America: I feel that.

Oh my god Tunisia, I love your flag. Where did you get it?

Oh, it was the Ottoman Empire's in 1844.

Vintage so adorable! That is the ugliest f-ing flag I've ever seen.